To Blog Or Not To Blog

Once again, I took a month off from blogging. I had surgery, then Leeann came to visit, then we all had crazy colds, then Milo had the stomach flu, then Nolan had surgery (he got his adenoids removed, which should help with all those crazy colds), then I had the stomach flu. And now I'm at that point where I don't know about continuing with this blog of mine.

Besides all those things I mentioned above, I just feel so busy lately. Nolan has speech therapy and occupational therapy appointments every single week. Both boys are in swimming lessons twice a week. Milo has gymnastics twice a week. Jacob closed his MMA gym in December, but is involved in a new gym. He's also working a lot of overtime at his day job, with only one weekend off each month. And we're finally making the home improvements we planned on doing when we built this house almost six years ago. I don't have the time right now to read and comment on all of your blogs (which always makes me feel bad), let alone write anything.

That sounds like a bunch of excuses, right? I'm also feeling uninspired (as evidenced by my whopping fourteen posts in the past five months). I don't like reading about kids, recipes, to-do lists, or weekend recaps, so I don't usually write about any of that. I steer clear of anything too serious or political because everyone has an opinion and it's getting harder for some to respectfully disagree. Writing about entertainment is the most fun for me, but I don't feel like I'm connecting with readers lately. (I see that people are reading, but the interaction isn't there. Except for those of you who comment on everything I write. Thank you for that!) Plus, I can always tweet about what I'm watching, reading and listening to.

(The Upfronts happened this week and I've blogged about them five years in a row, but couldn't muster up the energy to do it this time around. But I plan to check out The Good Place, This Is Us, Making History, The Mick, Pitch, Speechless, American Housewife, and even though Man With A Plan looks pretty dumb, I'll tune in for Matt LeBlanc.)

Blogging is time consuming and when it feels like a chore, it's probably not worth it. Milo is done with Pre-K next Friday and Nolan's last day is three weeks later. I want to soak them up as much as I can this summer and not spend so much time on the computer. I can't bring myself to close up shop completely. Maybe I'll be more into it when my kids are back in school this fall? So for now I guess it's just, "I'll be seein' ya."

I love the friends I've met through this little blog of mine and absolutely want to stay connected! If you aren't already following, check me out on Instagram, FacebookTwitterGoodreads, and my new favorite, Snapchat!

(I promise I don't just snap selfies.)


Things I'm Bad At

Measuring distance. I can't eyeball anything and tell you how big it is. I couldn't give directions to the mini mart without looking it up because I don't know if it's one mile or three from my house. I can't convert from standard to metric. I don't know how many yards it is from here to there. And don't get me started on temperature conversions! I've always sucked at math and yes, you do need a little bit of it when you grow up. Or just have a calculator handy.

English. On the other hand, I think I do alright with the English language. I'm not a writer by any means, but I always aced research papers and I mastered legal writing. I know how to spell and could teach a class on the proper use of apostrophes! However, I constantly have to think twice about using who/whom and who's/whose. And sometimes I know when I'm supposed to use "whom" but it sounds so weird and fancy, I just don't do it. 

Getting dressed. I would say three out of five times I somehow manage to throw on a hoodie backwards, so my face is in the hood. My roommates used to laugh at me hysterically. Jacob is so used to it now, he just shakes his head and walks away. I'm an idiot.

Cooking/baking. I hate cooking. I do it because I have a family to feed, but I would rather go out, order in, or let Jacob barbecue something. If I had the money, I'd hire a personal chef. It takes so long to prepare a meal then everyone devours it in minutes and I'm stuck cleaning the kitchen for the next twenty. And around here someone is always complaining about what's on their plate. I don't mind baking, mostly because the end product tastes so good, but it's not pretty. I make the biggest messes and even the most foolproof recipes come out looking all wrong.

Keeping clean. I keep a pretty clean house. Some even think I'm a little OCD when it comes to organization and tidiness. I make sure my kids never have messy faces or snot coming out of their noses. I won't tolerate crap in my car or toys left out in the yard. But when it comes to me, I'm a mess. I spill on my shirt just about every day then have to walk around with a stupid stain. I don't know where my motor skills went wrong, but I misjudge my bites or miss my mouth all the time. I even dribble water down my neck if I don't pay close attention to how I'm drinking. I'm a disaster.

Sleeping. First of all, I don't get enough sleep each night. I average five and a half hours and it's really something I need to change, especially as I get older. I also take too many naps. I know, I know, it's a terrible cycle. But what I'm really bad at is the actual sleeping part. What do you do with your arms?! I wake up in the middle of the night with numb limbs and twisted wrists and I'm so sore every morning. I wish I could lie peacefully on my back with my head resting gently on a silk pillowcase like a damn Disney princess.

Talking. I have a subglottic stenosis. It's a narrowing of my airway in the space right below my vocal cords and above my trachea. I usually call it a "tracheal stenosis" because people don't know what I'm talking about otherwise. I have dilation surgeries a few times a year, but have a hard time breathing every single day, even after those procedures. In addition, I constantly lose my voice. If I go to a concert or game where I'm screaming a lot, I'll be hoarse for weeks. I'm also raspy and strained after about ten minutes of continuous speaking or belting out a single song. (There goes my Broadway dream! Just kidding, singing is another thing I'm bad at.)


Can't Get Enough

Some of my absolute favorite celebs are Zac Efron, Tina Fey, Russell Brand, Britney Spears, and Jake Gyllenhaal. And it seems like the rest of the world agrees with my love of John Hamm, Jennifer Lawrence, Jimmy Fallon, Emma Stone, Paul Rudd, Charlize Theron, Chris Pratt, Ben Affleck, Sandra Bullock, and Justin Timberlake. But there are a lot less famous people out there that I've adored since their earliest work. They are super talented, sometimes unappreciated, and completely entertaining to me. I'll see anything these guys a part of, no matter how bad it sounds: 

Amy Schumer, Michael B. Jordan, Christina Ricci

Aubrey Plaza, Chris O'Dowd, Alison Brie

Melanie Lynskey, Sam Rockwell, Kirsten Dunst

Chloe Grace Moretz, Adam Pally, Brie Larson

Parker Posey, Ed Burns, Mindy Kaling

Ari Graynor, Logan Lerman, Becky Newton

Lizzy Caplan, Christoph Waltz, Carey Mulligan

Malin Ackerman, Miles Teller, Elisha Cuthbert

Who are some of your favorite non-superstar actors?


That Time I Got My Tongue Pierced

I've been on this big purging kick around the house and as I was cleaning out my jewelry box, I stumbled upon these:

So let me tell you about the time I got my tongue pierced. It's a doozy.

The summer after I graduated from high school, a lot my friends were getting tatted and pierced. I have absolutely nothing against tattoos, but I've never wanted one. I think they look pretty cool and love hearing about the meaning behind them, but they aren't for me. I had just put a second hole in my ears, along with a cartilage piercing, and decided my tongue was up next. I had a feeling my parents would flip if they knew I was doing it, so I chose to go during a week I was house-sitting.

I got off work on a Friday at 6:30, picked up my boyfriend from his job at Hollywood Video and his best friend from his job at Little Caesars. (This is where teens worked in the '90s, guys!) We grabbed a burger and drove thirty minutes away to the body piercing place a bunch of our friends recommended. I chose my barbell, gargled with Listerine for five minutes, and took a seat. The piercer inspected my tongue, placed his dot, clamped the forceps, pushed in the needle, then...

"Um. Uhhh, hold on," he said.

As he was shoving gauze in my mouth, he said the needle went in a little crooked and he would have to do it over, if I could handle it. I tried to speak, but blood gushed out of my mouth. I looked over at my boyfriend, but he was nowhere to be found. My friend was still with me and said my p*ssy of a boyfriend turned white and ran out of the building.

Once the bleeding was under control I decided to go through with it one more time. I mean, I was already there and it didn't hurt that bad, so why not? He was quick and it was centered. He didn't make me pay and gave me a free t-shirt to change into because of the blood all over mine. He also told me to come back after ten days to get another free barbell. (You have to get a long one at first to accommodate the swelling.) My friend and I went outside where my boyfriend was leaning against the wall. He apologized over and over for not being there for me, but we couldn't stop making fun of him the whole way home.

That night I hosted a party at the place I was house-sitting because my tongue had to make it's debut, right? The swelling was crazy, but it was nothing some Zima and popsicles couldn't handle. The next morning, my tongue had doubled in size and hurt like a bitch. That's when a party-goer told me I probably shouldn't have been drinking. Oops. I didn't talk to my parents for a few days because it was so hard to speak clearly. Even after that I had to get used to talking with metal in my mouth.

When I returned home a week later from my house-sitting gig, I showed my family. My brother and sister thought I was weird, but they always did because they had preppy and sporty friends and mine were skaters and potheads. My dad didn't say much (which actually said a lot) and my mom freaked out. She made me feel so bad I ran into the bathroom and took it out, only to get stubborn about it a half an hour later and put it back in. Ha! Later that night I was lying in bed, talking on the phone, and must not have screwed it on correctly, because I swallowed the top ball!

It was about time for my new, shorter barbell anyway, so I went back to the piercer to get it replaced. Once my tongue was completely healed I shopped at Hot Topic for different barbell sizes and colors. I kept clanking my teeth against it so thought rubber ones would work out well and bought purple and glow-in-the-dark balls, but my gum kept getting stuck to it.

For a while I wore a clear top ball at work, but my boss saw it and didn't seem to mind, so I went back to silver. After college, when it was time for me to get a real job, I took it out for an interview, but noticed the interviewer had her tongue pierced too, so I put it back in and wore it to work on my first day. I never swallowed another ball, but I did chip a few teeth and after five years, I was over it. I took it out for good when I was 23. My mom could not have been happier.

(It looks crooked in this picture, but it wasn't.)
(Do you like my Sublime 40oz to Freedom shirt? LOL!)


What I Read in March

For some reason, I DNF a lot of books last month. I got at least a quarter of the way through before giving up on all of these, and that rarely happens to me. I've heard great things about A Man Called Ove, but it took a long time to go anywhere and I don't like to read about grumpy old people, even if they are heartwarming by the end. Innocents and Others was an interesting premise, but reviewers are saying it doesn't get good until the last third and I don't have time for that. I haven't read Neil Gaiman, but feel like I'm supposed to love him. I couldn't get into The Ocean at the End of the Lane at all. I did relate to some of the stories in I Just Want To Pee Alone, but these mommy bloggers just weren't that funny. (Why do the most unfunny people shout from the rooftops about how hilarious they think they are? Let me make up my mind on that.)

Ok, on to the books I did read!

Nicole Brown Simpson: the Private Diary of a Life Interrupted (audiobook) This book is really hard to find, but thanks to Audible, I got to listen to this quick little gem. It's all about how much Faye loved Nicole and her opinions about Nicole's relationship with OJ. It was juicy, but dumb at the same time. ★ 

When Breath Becomes Air This short memoir was beautifully written and terribly sad, though the author doesn't get overly dramatic or depressing. I didn't fall apart until the epilogue written by his wife. 

Wishful Drinking (audiobook) I'm not a Star Wars fan, but have always appreciated Carrie Fisher. She's had a very interesting life and these stories (coming straight from her one-woman Broadway show of the same name) were funny, thoughtful and self-depreciating, which I'm always into. I felt like she was personally telling me stories. 

I Take You This story was crazy! Lily is about to marry Mr. Perfect in Florida, but has second thoughts and a bunch of secrets come out. It started out light and fun and I was instantly drawn to the protagonist, but halfway through it got kinda dark and she wasn't as likable. It's not your average chick-lit. 

Notorious RBG: The Life and Times of Ruth Bader Ginsburg I read this short little bio in one sitting on a rainy Friday night. It was well-written, well-researched, and really fun look at RBG's personal and professional life. She's an inspiration! And I have so much love for Marty Ginsburg now too! 

Turning the Tables: From Housewife to Inmate and Back Again (audiobook) Don't judge me! Sometimes you just gotta read a crappy d-list celeb prison memoir, ok? BTW, I'm not a fan, just curious. It's terribly written, not funny at all, and she insists she still doesn't know what she did wrong (there are no details about her case). The first half is really boring. I listened to the audiobook, narrated by Teresa herself, and it was so awful! She reads. two to. three words. at a time. and. it was. so hard. to follow. 

This Is Where It Ends This is a minute by minute account (that spans an hour) of a high school shooting from four different perspectives. I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I loved the format and couldn't put it down. I could picture my high school while reading it. On the other, the characters felt underdeveloped and the transitions weren't very smooth. 

Mother, Mother (audiobook) Holy crap, this was nuts. The Hurst family is full of secrets and I didn't trust any of them, so the book totally kept my interest. It was mundane at times, and felt a bit too long, but I wanted to learn more about them so it was hard to put down. 

Balancing in Heels: My Journey to Health, Happiness, and Making it all Work I wanted some fun gossip about Laguna Beach and The Hills, but Kristin hardly dished. Instead she talks about how she grew up, fell in love, had babies, and eats clean. It's like a how-to book with workout tips and recipes. (Including one for homemade baby formula.) I'm sure her fans appreciate the advice, but I thought it was boring. Probably because I'm an adult. 

The Ex (audiobook) I hate that it's described as "in the vein of Gone Girl" because it didn't live up to that. (Do they ever?) I've never read a legal procedural like this and enjoyed it, but it wasn't a page-turner and I figured out the ending pretty quickly. It still passed the time just fine. 

Strong Looks Better Naked This was my fourth reality star book of the month. I had some heavy reads so my mind needed something mindless, but still. I've got to reign it in. Ha! Again, no real gossip to speak of. She just breezily talks about exercise, diet, and having a positive attitude no matter what's going on in your life. I'm sure that's inspirational to some, but it's nothing we all haven't heard before (like, drink lots of water, you guys), so I skimmed through some of it. 

A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy Ugh, so heartbreaking. Sue was the mother of Columbine shooter Dylan Klebold, and she shares his childhood, his teen years, the timeline of the shooting, her grief, and how she's trying to bring awareness to mental health issues (including donating the profits of this book). It was a tough read and made me smother my own boys for days on end. 

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight This book popped up on a list of soon to be movies and I was in desperate need for something fluffy after two school shooting books. This YA love story looked harmless enough. Sadly, it was boring and cheesy with annoying characters. It's going to make a dumb movie. 

Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things (audiobook) Here's the funny book I was looking for! I didn't know much about The Bloggess before, but now? I love her. This was laugh out loud funny, but also made me cry. I don't suffer from mental illness, but it gave great insight for those of us who love people that do. She's also just has such a crazy life, so even with the heavy stuff, it was delightful. 
 I can't wait to see what you read! 

Life According to Steph